on a dime pt.2

Liz continues: So, as we walked, I noticed shops I had passed on my way to many other places. I noticed a butcher, a baker, boutiques, a cheeseshop, fresh flowers, well, I am in Paris!
It was still a dismal day, but this place wasn't in a worse place, it was just not where I had focused all my attention.
When the fixer arrived, I thought well, I can do this for 5 days. He had helped the owners buy and fix up the apartment. He was very up about it. I could feel it, and I didn't want it to sway me, so I was determined to stay immune. My feelings were pretty dulled from the pain of seeing my dream place literally pooed on.
We entered the building, it was clean, it had n elevator and the apartment was 5 floors up. I do like to be up high. Some idiot had graffittied something on the wall, but the fixer said the concierge for the building was going to fix it. The concierge for the building? Okay.
So, as it their habit, the agent/fixer went up the steps as we rode the tiny elevator up. In my experience here, it is rare to find an elevator in an apartment building that can fit more than 2 people. So, the people who re showing you apartments always walk up.
We get upstairs and he opens the door, immediately you see a gleaming white tiled bathroom. Tiny as usual, but with a window and bright and clean. A shower, no tub, but one of those rain shower heads. The whole thing is 4 square meters.
Then we enter a room with 3 full length french doors that open out onto a balcony.
They let in all the light that is possible on such a dull day because you are up in the sky. It is a typical Hausmann building. The style common in Paris, they are all about 5-6 stories high and some floors have the ornate black iron balconies. The room was minmally furnished in a very discreet and quiet style. The kitchen is in the living room, not uncommon here either, but the kitchen is laid out so well and all in white, you almost don't realize its there. It just seems to fit. There was a small bedroom down a short hall, it also had windows, and there was light.
It was indeed lovely. Small, but lovely.
We are going to rent for these few days and if everything works out, we will have it for our return. We could possibly establish everything we need to establish to get our visas.
But then there is that word if. Paris has changed me, IF has become a very big word. Everything can change with one piece of paper or because there is not one piece of paper. If, IF can be tamed, maybe I can enjoy the last few days just breathing and remembering where I am, surrounded by art that I can see, without the phone telling me I have to run to the bank. if...